The fruit elephant

Have you ever googled watermelon carvings? There are some incredibly talented people out there who can carve watermelons into amazing stuff, like flowers and designs.

I'm not one of them.

I CAN, however, make a watermelon into a fruit bowl, and use more fruit to give it a cute little elephant face. This is my fruit elephant tutorial.

Here's the final product:

Eat me! I'm fruity!



You need a watermelon and fruit. I used apples, blackberries, and pineapple - but there's no rules, here. Just find something to use for his head, and go from there.

First cut the top off your watermelon and carve it out like a pumpkin.

Then slice the end off an apple (or orange, or whatever) to make the head. Check to try to duplicate the curve of the watermelon in the cut end of your head piece.

I had to hollow mine out a little bit to get it to curve correctly.

Stick a bunch of toothpicks inside the melon through to the outside, then stab them into the head piece. Use as many as you need. I used my kitchen pliers (yes, I have a pair) to trim off the pokey bits.

Once the head is stuck, poke a few toothpicks into the head so that you can attach the trunk.

For the trunk, I peeled the skin off an apple in a coil shape to make it curl like an elephant's trunk. Word to the wise - make it thicker rather than thinner, to make it easier to stab the toothpicks into it.

Nose on!

Now you can do the face. I used slices of blackberries layered over apple pieces to make eyes (again, poked in to the apple with toothpicks) but there are loads of different ways to do this. Put your pachyderm into a dish and fill with fruit inside and around.

Aren't I cute?



Zebra cake! And cake pop horrors

So remember my cake pops post? How I was all "yaaaay, cake pops, they're so cute, I can totally do this!"

Um.

So, actually, cake pops are WAY harder than they look and I want to send out some mad props to the people who do them for a living. You guys are awesome.

I will now share with you the awesomeness that is the zebra cake I made tonight for Princess P's jungle party, and the major league disappointment that is my cake pops attempt. I think I know where I went wrong, and I think I'd tackle them again - after all, like anything else, it's a learning curve.

First off, the good news. I found a way to make marshmallow fondant without using butter or shortening, and reducing the amount of icing sugar that goes in. I used about 1lb of icing sugar (instead of the usual 2lbs the recipes call for) and just topped up with corn starch as I let the Big Mama (a.k.a. my kitchenaid stand mixer - Boy Wonder named it) beat it into submission. I liked the corn starch variety WAY better - significantly less sweet, but honestly, haven't we all been grossed out at some point by icing that was too sweet? And given that I can't use fondant without a crumb coat (in this case, chocolate) I think pouring all that sugar on top of melted marshmallows is just overkill and more money in your dentist's pocket.

So given all my soapboxing about icing, here are the steps I followed to do the cake.

- 1 bag of good quality marshmallows - I have been cheap on this before and paid for it. Spend the extra buck for the Jet Puft.
- 2 tbsp water
- 1lb of icing sugar
- a full box of cornstarch - honestly I have no idea how much I threw in. A cup? Maybe?

Nuke the marshmallows & water in a microwave safe dish for 1 min. Stir. If they aren't all melted, give it another 30 seconds. Stir. Keep going till they're melted.
Pour melted marshmallows into your greased Kitchenaid mixer bowl (I used Pam spray.)
Add 1lb icing sugar and turn on low. Use the paddle attachment at this point.
Once it's mixed, switch the attachment to the dough hook and throw in some cornstarch. Let it combine and look at the consistency - if it's still runny, throw in some more and give it another shot of mixing. Carry on until it looks like dry peanut butter.

Wrap in saran wrap and throw in the fridge for an hour. This is the part where you get to bake your cake and let it cool to room temp. I have no good cake recipes and I just used boxed mix.

Once the cake is out and cool throw on a crumb coat - this is your regular icing, buttercream, the premade kind from the store, whatevs. It's what your fondant will stick to. After the crumb coat is on, coat your rolling pin with cornstarch and your countertop with cornstarch. Get ready to get a workout and roll the hunk of fondant from the fridge to 1/4" thick. Keep rolling.

When you have a big sheet of fondant, lay it over your cake and press into the sides to stick it to the crumb coat. Use a pizza cutter to trim the fondant off. If you get any cracks, get the tip of your finger (or a pastry brush) a little wet and just rub along the crack to seal it. If you get any color on the fondant you don't want, a wet paper towel should take it right off (but you should get to it quickly.)

And here's the cake! I used the Dala cake pan from Ikea, Betty Crocker chocolate cake mix, Betty Crocker milk chocolate icing as a crumb coat, and my homemade MMF on top. I iced it by hand using glitter icing gel I found at Michael's.

Aww! It's a little stumpy, and thick set, but hey, it's clearly a zebra, and it has a cute tail. It's going to look super cute when we stick a '1' candle in it and give it to Princess P.

On the downside, since we have nearly 20 people at her birthday (and it's JUST family! Crazy!) this stumpy little zebra isn't going to be enough to feed everybody. So in a moment of inspiration I said "hey! Zebra print cake pops! Perfect way to make sure everybody gets a bit of a treat at the party!"

Fool.

I even made a pretty cake pop box (cake pop cake?) to showcase my pops. I had worked on them all afternoon. They look... well, the cake pop box looks cute, and if you squint, the whole effect is pleasing.

Right? Cute pink flowers? Pink stripes on white, black stripes on white, white stripes on black. Sounds SO promising.

Until they give up the will to live, like this one:

(These photos were taken in my beer fridge freezer - I was so desperate for at least SOME of these things to survive till next weekend that I practically threw them in there.)

Stupid cake pops. Whatever. I'm still going to serve them at the party. I'll just make sure there's a huge pitcher of sangria next to them. Food on a stick + booze = party!

Dukan Single Serving Chocolate Cake

I made this up tonight - not too bad!!

2 tbsp oat bran
1 tbsp fat free cocoa powder
4 1g packets of Splenda
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp vanilla

Mix all in a small microwave safe bowl. Microwave on high 45 seconds. Serve warm.

Dukan Oat Bran Omelette

Day 5 of the Dukan Diet, and I'm getting creative. I made this one up this morning. Great for the Attack phase - pure protein and includes your daily portion of oat bran.

1 egg white
1 egg, separated
3 tbsp fat free cottage cheese
2 tbsp finely diced onion
1 tsp diced garlic
1.5 tbsp oat bran
Freshly ground pepper
2 tbsp fat free sour cream

1. Combine both egg whites and beat till fluffy.
2. Mix remaining egg yolk until thick, then add cottage cheese, onion, garlic, oat bran, and pepper.
3. Fold into egg whites until combined.
4. In a non stick pan heat over low-medium heat until cooked through.
5. Top with fat free sour cream, more pepper or seasonings, and serve.

Yum! It's a Dukan version of a savory Pannenkoek!

PS: Down 4 pounds and 1.5 inches in five days! Woo!

Jillylicious Pizza

I made up a pizza tonight that even Boy Wonder ate. As a result I'm going to share it with you:

Ingredients:
3 tbsp oil
1 tbsp garlic, finely chopped or crushed
1 tsp basil
1/2 tsp hot pepper sauce (Franks, etc.)
salt & pepper
2 tbsp oil
1 cup chicken breast, diced (uncooked)
1/2 a red onion, sliced
1 thin crust pizza shell
1 cup marinated artichoke hearts, diced
2 large tomatoes, diced
1/2 cup goat cheese, crumbled
1/2 cup shredded mozarella cheese

Directions:
1. In a container with a tight fitting lid, mix oil, garlic, basil, hot pepper sauce, and salt & pepper. Shake to combine and set aside.
2. In a small skillet heat 2 tbsp oil and stir fry onions and diced chicken breast until golden and cooked through.
3. Drizzle oil and garlic mixture over pizza shell, then top with chicken and onions. Sprinkle artichoke hearts and tomatoes on next. Then top with goat cheese and mozarella.
4. Cook at 200 degrees for about 10 minutes, then an additional 5 minutes at 400 or until cheese is melted and golden. I recommend cooking on a pizza pan with holes and placing a baking sheet underneath to catch any spills.

Red Bull saves the day

So, it's been an ugly morning. Princess P is going through a growth spurt, so she's up a whole bunch in the night, and during the day alternates between ravenously feeding and wanting to be held. It's exhausting, especially because Scruffy is working extra hours due to the spring season and as a result leaves before the kids are up, and gets home after they've gone to bed. I'm pretty much flying solo.

I hit the wall this morning - Boy Wonder had a dental appointment and I was trying to get everybody out of the house and to the dentist on time. Princess P kept screaming every time I left the room, and I caught Boy Wonder driving his toy excavator through my seedlings and tearing them up.

I was on the brink of tears. I finally ended up shouting at Boy Wonder (which I HATE doing, and try to avoid at all costs) and sent him into his room with instructions to build a huge jump for his Hot Wheels. I finally managed to finish getting everyone dressed and clean, when I discovered a bunch of itchy spider bites on my chest.

Ew ew ew. I guess I had a sleepover with one last night - when the weather warms up I ALWAYS end up with bug bites. It doesn't help that I'm mildly allergic and end up wanting to scratch them with a wire brush. I've taken some allergy meds, but am still dying to itch. It looks and feels ucky.

We finally made it out of the house and had 5 minutes to spare. By this point I'd nearly cried three times (and it was only 10:30am) and could barely keep my eyes open. Enter my superhero: Red Bull.

Now. I'm well aware that Red Bull is at best a controversial beverage. But oh my goodness, does it ever help me. I was able to sit through Boy Wonder's dental cleaning (his first, and may I just point out that he did WONDERFULLY!) as well as survive taking both kids grocery shopping afterwards. I'm so on the ball now that I even have a bottle prepared and waiting for Princess P to wake up (she's still asleep in her carseat, so I'm doing a quick blog entry.)

So, given my lovin' on the Red Bull today, I'm going to share with you my secret (i.e. not secret at all) summertime Red Bull beverage. Drum roll please:

8oz Red Bull
4 oz Sprite or 7up
1-2 oz Bacardi Limon Rum

Yes, it's for grownups only. But it's light and summery and boozy, and after a day like this one, what else could a person ask for?

Scruffy Salad

As part of our attempt to shed the winter weight, Scruff and I eat a LOT of salad. This one is his favorite.

Serves four, or two people trying to fill up on fibre so they don't snack on chips and garbage later on in the night. ;)

Cascadia Salad

4-5 cups mixed greens (I use the packaged ones, with mesclun, arugula and baby romaine)
4 tbsp goat cheese, crumbled
1/2 cup pecan halves
1/2 cup dried cranberries
raspberry vinaigrette

In a small saucepan heat the pecans over low heat until fragrant. In a bowl toss with cheese, greens, and cranberries. Drizzle with vinaigrette to taste.

Awesome served with blackened chicken breasts or multigrain bread.

Since I'm a rush today this will be my only entry - promise more tomorrow!

Prima Donna Quinoa Salad

Have you ever tried Summer Fresh Seven Grain Salad? It. Is. DELICIOUS. Unfortunately, it's also expensive. So in a moment of inspiration, I tried to duplicate it here at home (and, hopefully, make it a little bit healthier, too.)

If you've never cooked with quinoa before, don't be intimidated. It's similar in flavor to barley or couscous, and is really good for you! Unlike other grain products it is very high in protein AND fibre - making it an ideal diet food (your body takes longer to digest protein and fibre than, say, sugar or other carbohydrates.) I just followed the directions on the box when I prepared it and it was easy peasy.

So, here we go!

Prima Donna Quinoa Salad

Dressing:
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
2 tbsp canola oil
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 tsp salt
lots and lots of freshly ground pepper

Mix all the dressing ingredients in a shake-able container and let stand. Meanwhile, prepare the following according to the package directions:

1/2 cup of couscous (cooked)
1/2 cup of quinoa (cooked)
1/2 cup of lentils (I used the canned ones to save on prep)

Combine in a bowl and add about 1/4 cup of chopped green onion. Drizzle dressing over top, stir, and refrigerate at least 1.5 hours. Check and adjust seasonings after this time - the longer it sits, the more mellow the flavors become, so you may want a little more vinegar.

Enjoy!

fancy fishie

I don't know about you, but I could get REALLY sick of salmon. Salmon is very popular. As a result salmon dishes abound. As another result, salmon farming and fishing is also a big industry and a lot of fishies are sacrificed for our plates. I'm not going to tell you not to eat salmon - it is VERY good for you, as well as a great source of omega 3s and DHA, both of which are needed for a healthy brain - but I will urge you to consider the source of your salmon. Farmed salmon is not what's best for the environment, since farmed fish tends to be more prone to infection and parasites, which in turn affect the environment and wild fauna around them. So if you're going to eat salmon, go for the wild caught kind.

Now, back to my original point about getting sick of salmon. If I have to eat ginger/maple/cedar planked salmon once more, I might just throw up. So in a moment of creativity, I came up with my Fancy Fishie Salmon recipe that I will now share with you here. This dish is quick and fancy enough to serve to company. It's also one of my 3 year old's favorite dishes, which is thrilling for me!

Fancy Fishie Salmon

Serves 4

Ingredients:

- 1 package Highliner Frozen Wild Pacific Salmon Fillets (Individually Quick Frozen) - do NOT thaw

- 1 5oz log of goat cheese - either plain, or herbed (I prefer herbed)

- 12 sheets of phyllo pastry

- 2 tbsp butter, melted

Instructions:

** Stop here. A lot of people are turned off by phyllo because it seems like a sensitive item, what with the cool damp towel over top and blablabla. Now, I know that if you're a real talented cook, you follow the towel instructions. If I were making, say, spanakopita or something that involved a lot of handling and a lot of phyllo, I'd do it. But for this recipe, I'm going to be honest and tell you that I've never been a devout phyllo user, and never done the towel thing when I make this dish. Also, when I have thawed my phyllo and most of it is soft and bendy enough to work with - and I'm all done preparing - I have refrozen it with plenty of success. So, it's your call - you can either thaw your phyllo, do the towel thing, and throw away what you don't use, or you can do what I did here. Okay, carry on.

1. Preheat oven to 400 F. If you're using a package of frozen phyllo, pull it out of the cardboard box and leave it wrapped in the wax paper. Toss it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then pull it out and see if it's soft and bendy. If not, give it another 30 seconds until it is. Once your phyllo is nice and soft, go ahead to step 2.

2. In a small bowl, crumble the goat cheese into small pieces. Spread a piece of phyllo on an ungreased cookie sheet. Using a silicone brush, brush a little bit of melted butter over the phyllo and then lay a frozen salmon fillet on top. Sprinkle 1/4 of the goat cheese over the salmon.

3. Wrap the phyllo sheet around the fillet and goat cheese. Then get a second piece of phyllo and lay it on top of the wrapped fillet, flip it over, and wrap the fillet in the second piece. Brush the seams with melted butter.

4. Take a third piece of phyllo, and fold in half lengthwise to make it a longer rectangle. Put the wrapped fillet at a narrow end and roll it up in the phyllo. Then brush it all over with melted butter.

5. Repeat with the other 3 fillets, and place seam side down on the cookie sheet. Bake at 400 for about 20 minutes or until fish flakes with a fork (yes, this means you will have to pierce the phyllo package to see if it's cooked.) Alternately, bake until the phyllo is a deep golden brown color.

Serve with a side of garlic roasted asparagus and herbed risotto. Yum!

Quick & dirty

When I'm feeding Boy Wonder and Scruffy, I'm often on a fairly tight schedule. Now that Princess P is in the picture, I have to make sure my night is on time and that everybody's needs are met in time for me to get the kids to bed on time. That's when I like my dinners quick and dirty (as opposed to weekend meals, when the bigger the mess, the better the dish.)

Boy Wonder LOVES rice, and everybody likes Chinese food, so I created a quick and dirty version of fried rice. No pictures this time - sorry, you'll have to trust your instincts.

Quick & Dirty Fried Rice

Serves 4

Ingredients:

1 package Uncle Ben's Bistro Express Plain Rice * I use the brown rice because it's better for you. They also make an Oriental type that I'm sure would be good, too.

1 cup frozen diced vegetables, or 1/2 each of frozen peas and frozen carrots

2 tbsp oil (I don't care what kind you use, but avoid olive oil because it's got a stronger flavor)

2 eggs

Soy sauce

Directions:

1. Heat the oil in a 12" frying pan over medium-high heat. While it's warming, nuke the frozen veggies in the microwave with a drizzle of water for about a minute or just enough to warm.

2. Drain the veggies and add to the oil. You can throw in some jarred diced garlic or ginger at this point, if you feel like it.

3. Stir and let the veggies sizzle for a minute or so, then add the eggs and stir quickly (don't let them turn into one big fried egg.)

4. Add the rice and keep stirring to coat.

5. Drizzle with a bit of soy sauce, stir to coat.

Serve hot! Takes 5 minutes - seriously. Totally quick, totally dirty, totally something my 3 year old will eat. LOVE THAT.